Everything happens for reasons she will never understand...

Shit happens... things don't go your way, life isn't fair. I get it. However, this, this punishment, is something I will never ever understand. What did I do to deserve this? What horrible thing has brought this karma on me? How can such an incredible blessing be bestowed on someone so undeserving? It is too close to home, it is not something an "unfollow" button can fix, deleting social media has no impact, my entire world will change and I cannot escape it. It is suffocating. I am stuck in my own personal hell, while she gets to live my dream, a dream she never wanted. Everyone can say "Just focus on yourself", "When God decides its time you'll get your blessing". These comments  they fall on deaf ears, this advice is meaningless when it comes from a mouth of someone who has never struggled to have a child. I cannot escape this black hole of anger, jealousy, bitterness, and excruciating pain, I honestly fear it will consume me. My only salvation is to remove myself from my family as quickly as humanly possible, and hope that I survive long enough to make that a reality.