You Are Not Alone: United in Understanding

The Ugly Truth

One in eight couples struggle with infertility, yet talking about it is taboo to say the least. While infertility happens for any number of reasons, there are two commonalities in each of these couples. One is the desire above all else to become parents and two is the desire for someone to finally understand. For most couples, admitting that something is preventing you from starting a family is shameful and embarrassing. Instead we brush off the never ending "So when are you two starting a family" questions with as much grace and dignity as we can muster, all the while secretly wanting to crawl in a hole. This is just one of those things that isn't talked about, leaving those struggling in silence with no where to turn and no shoulder to cry on.

What Is Infertility And How Can I live With It?

Infertility is described as trying to conceive for more than 12 months (or 6 months for women over the age of 35). This can include: no pregnancy at all, miscarriages, or stillborns. Upon this time frame most women seek the aid of a specialist, also known as a reproductive endocrinologist. Diagnosis from this type of appointment can range from PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), endometriosis, male infertility, unknown infertility, etc. Of course despite any diagnosis there are many ways of going about starting a family: fertility drugs, IVF, IUI, surrogacy, adoption, and fostering are just a few of the multitude of tools available to those with infertility.  

My Journey

For a while, mostly in the beginning of my journey, I didn't want to admit to anyone that there was something preventing me from getting pregnant and I think this had a lot to do with feeling isolated like I was some sort of freak. Mommy friends were constantly making comments, innocent comments in their eyes, about the ease in which they conceived their precious babies, all the while I was staring at yet another negative pregnancy test. I was afraid, I was overwhelmed, and I was alone... or so I thought. My husband and I had no one to talk to, no one who truly understood what infertility did to someone on a daily basis. When I got my diagnosis, of PCOS, things seem to be that much harder. No one understood why I was hurting all of the time, over the simplest of things maybe it was a newborn birth announcement, or a baby shower invitation, all seemingly ordinary parts of growing up. Yet I found myself, more often than not, lashing out at friends and family for sharing their joy while I harbored my bitterness. I had come to the conclusion that people were selfish, and that I was alone in this painful scenario. When I finally mustered up the courage to confront my inner demons and actually reach out for help by starting an infertility blog, I was overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of other people dealing with the same struggle I was, who were ready to listen and offer advice without judgement. I found support groups, new friends, other people who were desperate to find someone they could relate to, but more than anything I found acceptance.

YOU Are Not Alone 

When it comes to infertility, there is no place for judgement or ridicule, there is only room for hope and support. The negative stigma surrounding infertility needs to be gone. It is no one's fault that infertility happens therefore there should be no guilt forced on those who are already suffering so deeply. I wish, upon every last star in the sky, in every wishing well, on every ounce of dandelion dust, that no couple is forced to feel the sting of loneliness and shame when facing infertility.  A bound formed during a struggle like infertility is not easily broken. There are others out there who know exactly what infertility feels like, others who have been the one crying in the bathroom at a baby shower, others who broke down during the diaper commercials, others who just get it. When you are ready, reach out and I promise you will be met with open arms and genuine support. We are strong, we are brave, and we are UNITED. 

I will continue to pray for awareness, and for those still suffering in silence to find the support they need. No one should face this journey alone! 

 Jaylee

To Learn More About Infertility: 

http://www.resolve.org/about-infertility/what-is-infertility/  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About National Infertility Awareness Week)