"Try not to judge me, 'cause we've walked down different paths"

Good evening dear friends,
The topic of today's blog is judgement, specifically those who judge the ones who deal with infertility. Since I have become more open and forthcoming with details about my journey I have noticed that I have lost many, many friends. Many of these friends believe me to be selfish(for the times I have admitted how much it hurts me to see others complain about their children, or post endless baby pictures), others refuse to be subjected to those rants and simply don't want to deal with my "sensitivity", and some... sadly a few too many... just unfriend me because they are parents who want to brag and boast and bitch without having to "be censored" or respectful of those that are hurting(believe it or not, this has actually been admitted to me).

 All I want to say to friends of all of those categories is, don't judge me until you have been in my shoes. You have no idea what it feels like to struggle with something so natural, especially when it seems like the world is constantly throwing it in your face. Don't tell me I'm selfish for not wanting to see 10,000 pictures of "Baby's first lollipop", as I read my 100th negative pregnancy test. Forgive me for wanting to scream when you say, "I am so done being pregnant, this sucks", when I, and many of my infertility sisters, would give up anything to be as pregnant and miserable as you are.  This journey has not just changed me, it has broken me, shattered me into a million pieces and rebuilt me as this coldhearted soulless woman who cringes at baby pictures and pregnancy announcements without being able to celebrate the joy and I know I am not alone. Women everywhere struggle with these heartbreaking "updates" every day, many women who have been told it is time for a hysterectomy, or that the reason for her infertility is "unknown" meaning there is nothing the doctors can do, or the couple that just spent their life savings on the last round of IVF only to see it fail. These are the women who die a little more every time they see your happy news.

 I know that it is not fair for me to ask people not to share things during this oh so joyful time in their lives, I am only asking that for each happy thing you share, try and say a prayer for those who's dreams of parenthood may never come true.



Title Lyrics:" Glass" by Thompson Square