Finding Peace during a divorce...

This blog has focused so much on my struggles with infertility over the past four years, that it is almost surreal to me that my next blog focuses on divorce. I am not even sure where to begin, or how I found myself in this position after 5 years of a seemingly picture perfect on the outside kind of marriage, but here I am. When the decision came in January, I'll be honest that it took everything in me to walk away and I have gone back and forth on my decision many times, but what led me here or what circumstances happened in my marriage are not the reason for this post.

Instead, this post is more of a self reflection for me, a "what to do now that the dreams I believed I had for myself... dreams of motherhood, a happy marriage, and a family... are coming to an end for now" sort of post. It is so hard for me to even begin to think about what to do next or how I am supposed to let go of everything I had fought so hard for in the past few years, but I know it is what is meant to be. So how do you find peace when you are watching your life crumble? Do you ball your eyes out? Do you rethink your decision and cling to the familiar? Do you wallow in self pity? While these have certainly all happened to me over the past six months, there is a way to keep the faith so to speak. Instead of these options, which are bound to make life twice as difficult, the one thing I have found that have given me a sense of peace is to allow yourself to focus on the few good things you have going for you with everything you have. For me, I am graduating in a few weeks with my Bachelor's degree in Psychology. I have something going for me, I have options for my future. I am now walking down a path I did not originally plan for my life, but apparently God had other ideas in store for how he wanted things to happen. I am trying to focus on finding my independence and figuring out who I am. I know I am not the same girl I was before I got married, and certainly not the same girl I was during my marriage, so who am I now? I am someone who has been crushed and heartbroken, but I am someone who has known love and for that I will be forever grateful for that experience regardless of the pain and the way it ended. So I may not have all of the answers to why this happened or what I will do next, but as long as I have faith in God and myself I think I'll be okay.

 Jaylee