Everything happens for a reason...

I haven't blogged in a while, and I know I need to start again. This Journey is not for the faint of heart, by any means Infertility is filled with ups and downs, and the ups are FANTASTIC, but the downs are absolutely heartbreaking. Sunday, I felt a pain in my right ovary leading me to take an ovulation test. Well it was negative, and so I took another on Monday-and got a positive. I was over the moon excited and scheduled a follow up doctors appointment for Wednesday. Well, they did a blood test which revealed I had actually NOT ovulated, but hopefully would in a few days. I don't know why, but that big negative broke my heart into a million pieces. It wasn't even a, no you are no where near ovulation, it was just a not yet. I am all too familiar with BFNs(Big FAT negatives), but for some reason knowing this one was a false positive was just too much. It's strange to get so angry at your own body for not working right, I mean getting pregnant is the most natural thing in the world? Why is it so hard?


I wrote the first half of this blog right after my doctors appointment last Wednesday but for some reason could not finish it, and now I know why. I just went to the doctors again Monday(yay for weekly dr. appts- I have two this week!!!) and the blood test showed that I DID ovulate after this last negative so maybe a day or two after the day above. Turns out that the positive was a positive, I just hadn't ovulated yet when they tested my blood, so it is likely I ovulated Thursday or Friday. While I know this month is out for pregnancy, we missed the "baby dance" window, I now know what I need to do to get my body to ovulate(For me it is 1000 mg of metformin every day and 50 mg of clomid for 10 days), which brings us one step closer to beating PCOS and Infertility, and one step closer to holding our beautiful baby in our arms one day.

I pray every day for those struggling, I know all to well the pain and the overwhelming fear of never becoming parents, the pain that never seems to go away. Just remember YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT, we all will! We each have different paths, some that include babies, some that don't, some that include advocacy- raising awareness about infertility, some struggle in silence, some may include adoption or surrogacy, some may be lucky enough to get pregnant naturally or with the help of fertility treatments. We all have our own battles to fight, but we all know the sting of infertility.