I know I haven't blogged in a while when the pain of infertility starts to become too much to bear. It is almost as if I need to "empty" myself from time to time to make this process easier to endure. In the last few weeks I have been sent far too many "I hope you aren't mad at me, but I'm pregnant" messages, and while I am thankful that these friends genuinely try for consideration so I am not blindsided with a public announcement, in reality it feels like some sort of brand on my forehead "I'M BROKEN".
Lately I have begun to see the separation between the people that have children, and those that cannot. I've noticed that there is a certain distaste between the two and its toxic. The world we live in is very focused on motherhood and children, leaving little room for those with infertility to thrive. "Mommy friends" complain when children aren't invited to adult functions, "Infertiles"complain when there are too many children invited to functions, or why there aren't enough "adults only" events. Moms complain when their "my child is driving me crazy", "This baby is making me so fat", or "I hate being pregnant" comments are met with anger and intolerance. Those with infertility are tired of being told to "Try to relax", "Just stop trying it'll happen", "Why not just adopt", "Here take my kids! It'll be good birth control". Neither seems happy with one another, neither understands the other's life, and friendships suffer because of it. Mommy friends don't understand that being around children is hard for most of us, we feel out of place and the reminder of our brokenness is made all too clear. Infertiles don't understand that leaving a child with a sitter isn't as easy as it sounds. Neither side is empathetic to the other, because neither can relate to the other's journey. There needs to be a bridge between the two, a way for those with children to help and support their barren sisters without feeling judged or envied for the ability to have a family; a way for those struggling to conceive to find it in their hearts to love their friends who were blessed with babies without being a slave to the jealousy that accompanies such a friendship. While it may not change the love and adoration "Infertiles" have for these friends, it is still difficult and painful to be in the "Moms only" world, while dying inside every day wondering if your "when will we have children" has become an "if". I hope one day both sides can exist to show each other support and learn how to make these relationships endure all of the trials of both motherhood and infertility.
Thinking of you all and praying for you always,
Jaylee
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