Smiling through the tears...

Good evening everyone!
I have recently began trying a more positive outlook on my current situation. For those that are new readers, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost two and a half years. I have gone through my angry period and I am ready to accept that which I cannot change. Whether or not now is "our time" is up to God, but I cannot waste another second allowing that excruciatingly heavy dark cloud of anger loom over me every second of every day. I know there is a hole in my heart that will be filled one day, but today is not that day. God knows my life, my struggles, my pain, and he knows when the time will be right for us to become parents.  Until that time, for me to be overridden with jealousy and anger over every pregnancy announcement means that I am giving into sin, Anger is a sin, jealousy is a sin, and the dark thoughts that have gone through my mind in response to some of those announcements are most certainly a sin. I refuse to allow myself to push away any more friends because seeing them announce their pregnancies breaks my heart.  The moments that I have screamed at God to answer "Why her?! Why not me?" who am I to question God? He sees the bigger picture, I should know that after all these years. There have been so many times that I have wanted something so badly, only for it to not work out... for the best as it turns out in time. God knows us better than we know ourselves.  It has finally come to the point in my life where I can find peace in God, and while I do not understand this trial I will face it with God by my side. I will be happy for those who are expecting, and pray for those struggling with their news, and for now I will smile through the tears, and I will wait for my time... in HIS perfect time.